Lately I've been spending a lot of time getting to know a very cute boy. We talk, a lot, swapping stories like a very long first date. He recently brought it to my attention that many of my stories are, ahem, a little bit unbelievable. In my defense, while I do tend to exaggerate a bit, I limit my creative license to things like, "god, I was waiting for like six hours!" or "Seriously, I think I ate a hundred cookies!" Last night I was telling the story of a job I once had as a showgirl at The Rivera casino in Blackhawk, CO, and how ridiculous a job it was. This was not like a take your top off and dance type of showgirl, my duties included holding up those number signs at boxing matches, taking pictures with jackpot winners, and walking around the casino talking to the old folks. He just started laughing, a derisive laugh that indicated he absolutely did not believe this latest tale. So to prove to him that I am not a barefaced liar, I emailed him this picture this morning: Please note that those are not my real boobs, I strapped them on when I got to work each day. In fact, they had sequined bras with various degrees of padding, little padding for the more well endowed, and padding the size of a small child's head for girls with, um, girls like me.



This is sort of an addendum to the why am I such a commitmentphobe/ big ole' bag of crazy post. Recently I was enjoying part 2 of a very long, very good date with a boy that I have had a very big crush on for quite some time. I don't remember when exactly the following transpired, but I think we were laying in the sun on top of his fluffy white comforter talking about the contents of his book shelves. A little *giggle* *giggle* *kiss* *kiss* super cutesy, a little out of character maybe, but hey, I don't necessarily tell you guys all about all of that. So this very cute boy takes this opportunity to broach the subject of our seeing each other more regularly. (In a super cute awkward-ish way btw, very attractive) I think the normal reaction to a boy you like expressing interest in seeing you more often would be something like "well yes, that would be lovely" or "Yeehaw!" Not that it needs to be said, but normal reactions aren't exactly on my speed dial. My reaction? Something more like "well, I don't really know about all that..." What? Why? Because I'm Awkward!




Oh my god! Why am I such a commitmentphobe? It is near crippling for me, having to make a decision that will affect my life more than a week into the future. I feel like nobody is surprised by this statement. I thought my little issue was strictly related to my romantic entanglements, but that is apparently not the case. It is a far reaching affliction. Why must I resist change? Why do I have to try to analyze every single teeny tiny possible factor? Why do I have to try and control or plan for every possible outcome? I think I'm just fucking nuts.



OK, so I've had a tiny crisis of faith. I was so totally sure this morning that I'd made the right decision regarding accepting the job in Chicago... until I called the HR rep at the other company to tell him thank you but no. We talked for quite sometime, and he made some very good points... And I told him I'd rethink my decision and get back to him by Wednesday. And now I really don't know what to do. The jobs are perfectly disparate, one pays quite a bit more but comes with a much, much higher degree of uncertainty and much less stability. Oh and three times the vacation each year.
The other pays less but is for a very large company, lots of security and stability, in a town where I could see myself having a perfectly lovely life. Albeit one that's completely new and outside my comfort zone, but exciting at the same time.



Drumroll Please...

I'm moving to Chicago! I'm super relieved to have finally made a decision. Though now the pressure is on to finish up my damn thesis. I just want to hit the fast forward button and skip ahead to July. Since that's not really an option, I'll just have to settle for spending my spare time daydreaming about the big stuff to come. Big stuff like where do I want to live? What kind of apartment in what kind of neighborhood can I find? Will I make any friends? How about dating, should I make a conscious decision not to date for a while so I can build my own life and not rely on someone else for stimulation? Or is that just silly and am I simply over analyzing (as I am wont to do)? I like the idea of being alone in a big city. Dressing up and taking myself to dinner, spending a Saturday at the museum and a Sunday walking Murphy and exploring my new neighborhood. Sipping coffee in coffee shops and trying new yoga classes. I have this idea of myself, country mouse in the big city, and I'm really excited to move from my little city of 17,000 people to the almost 3 million strong Chicago.



Fries With That?

My little trip to Chicago went really well. I had about a half a day of business to take care of, and the rest of the time I spent checking out the area, trying out the commute, and taking in some of what Chicago has to offer. One thing Chicago had to offer on this particular visit was a little of this guy's company:

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Oh holy moly. Two weeks to make a decision has turned into 2 days. California has turned into Rochester, New York (but only for six months, then, who knows where). So. Now I just have to make a decision. You probably know this but I have a huge problem with commitment. So how am I supposed to make this kind of commitment in two days? I thought I had at least a week. They are both good offers. There is really only one dilemma. The Chicago job is in a much cooler location, the other job comes with a larger salary. What to do, what to do?


Rice Prices

What's hotter than making out to Fiona Apple? I can't think of a thing... maybe making out to NPR. Oh Marketplace, talk nerdy to me.


Road Tripping

How cool are road trips, these folks at 50 Bloggers in 50 States are planning a road trip to travel the country, and meet lots of strangers. I'm jealous because I think this sounds really fun, right up my alley. I was also really excited to see which other Colorado bloggers come out of the woodwork, but so far, we're a little slow on the uptake.



Getting Down to the Wire

This afternoon I'm heading back to Chicago. I am going for a tour of the facility where I was offered a job. I'm flying in a little early and getting a rental car so I can check out the area, maybe check out the commute, and hopefully by the time I get back on Thursday I'll be able to make a more informed decision about weather or not I want to accept the job.



Hi-jinks (Pretty Mild Actually)

I was planning on staying in this weekend (again!), but Katie called. Any weekend that Katie is in town is a weekend that my plans go right out the window. I went to dinner with her at her Grandmas house. She has this fabulous huge family. They are super loud and loving and they're all in everybody else's business. Katie has something like 20 cousins, there are 2 great big kids tables, and all the grand kids (ranging from, I'd guess 7 or so, up to almost 30) sit at these 2 kids tables. The best thing about Katie's family though is Katie's mom Deb and her sisters, "The Aunts." Those birds are a trip. After dinner and birthday cake and lots of present opening (they were celebrating 6 birthdays) Katie and I, as well as Kate's brother and his girlfriend, met Jill at my house to pre-game before heading to Denver. The rest of the evening is a blur of drinking, dancing, and hamming it up for the camera.

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Would someone please explain to me why I'm afraid of bugs. I don't understand. I am a non-nonsense kind of gal. But still, every single time I kill a bug I shudder. And please don't leave me any comments about how wrong it is to kill bugs because we're all god's creatures. I don't care, no bugs in my house.



California or Chicago?

Lately I have been singularly focused on work. Work now (finishing up eleventy-five homework assignments, finishing my research and writing my damn thesis) and work in the future (What, where, for whom and for how much). Work now is just some sludge that I have to muck through to get to the greener pastures. This building, these labs in which I spend all of my time, feel like they are shrinking. The people here are driving me mad. I am just itching to be done. I could bitch and moan about it, but instead I’ll focus on bright side. The bright side being, now that I have a deadline, a goal, and actual end in sight, I have renewed motivation to get this over and done with. Work in the future is super exciting. I’m waiting to get an offer from the company in California (sometime this week). I am obsessed. Every time I check my e-mail (which is about every five minutes these days) I’m not checking to see if a friend or cute boy has dropped me a note. I am looking out for one thing and one thing only. This weekend, during the Beerfest (a spontaneous, spur of the moment thing, I’d grounded myself for the duration of the weekend, but I have weak resolve) I watched Jill and Kristy flirt with cute boys from the sidelines, barely paying attention. Instead I was making pro and con lists in my mind. I changed the topic of almost every conversation to ‘California or Chicago?’ I have until May 1 to make a decision. Hopefully once that happens, I’ll get my brain back.



Not Was I Was Expecting

My favorite things about this weekend: Making a new friend, Grant, this weekend. The first thing she said to me was, "I've heard a lot about you, you'd better not disappoint me." My friend Brandon's reply when I told him I was moving in July, "No, you're not." Waking up covered in golf-ball sized bruises, but having no memory of how, where, when or why I got any of them. A complete stranger bringing a bottle of Alize to the party to impress me (it worked). The random guy at the Beerfest who tried to get both Kristy and Jill into bed. And by both, I mean together. Kicking off our shoes and doing inversions at the bar (something of a tradition).

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Last Night's Win

Rockies 13- Diamondbacks 5 Thanks Rockies, that means Taco Bell is having 4 tacos for a dollar. And that means I'm having tacos for dinner tonight.

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Everyone is Good at Something

Sometimes it takes someone else to point out something that is right in front of your face, something that, for whatever reason, you can't see clearly. Two weeks ago, after my friend Sameera's birthday party, Kate and I walked back to her hotel. She was in town for a conference and had a beautiful room at Denver's historic Brown Palace Hotel. It was 2ish when we got back to the hotel, and we were expecting Kate's friend (and my friend too) Sarah, who was arriving late from Aspen. I think Sarah got in about 2:30, so we weren't really sleeping yet. We spent a minute or two chatting, and we were brainstorming potential ways for me to get out of a lunch date I had planned for Sunday. Sarah remarked that I always seemed to be going on dates, and asked if I ever actually had relationships. Half-drunk and half-asleep I nonchalantly responded "No, I don't do that." Then I sat up. I don't do that? That can't be true... can it? And if it is, how could I be so cavalier about it? I've dated a few fellas, had some sort-of boyfriends. If you count boys who barely make it to the three month mark boyfriends. For one reason or another that's about how long it seems for me to either lose interest or decide, unequivocally, that it's just not right. Turns out that without really noticing I've been single for five years! No wonder I'm so good at it.



Murphy's Law

The hotel I stayed at this week, which should have been billed to the company I was interviewing with, was mistakenly billed to me instead. This bill subsequently put my unsuspecting (and quite paltry to be honest) checking account into the red. So, the overdraft fees have been piling up, and I've been trying to get a hold of someone, anyone, who can help me rectify this situation. I'm mean come on! I'm in grad school, I'm not exactly rolling in the dough. So I'm telling my gal pal Jill about the situation and she says "I find that's true in my business too (mortgages), the people who need the money the most are the people who this shit happens to the most. It's Newton's law, you know?" ... ... ... "Wait, that doesn't sound right..."




Right now, right this minute, I'm getting ready to go to California for another interview. I'm very excited about it, but having another offer (for the job I've been lusting after for months no less) has really taken the pressure off. Now I'm more interested in finding the perfect job for me, and less worried about finding any job at all. A quick follow-up about my last post. I made a flippant comment about dressing like a skank and I think it came across a bit opportunistic. I decided to wear something tiny because the last time I was out with Kate I went to a nightclub in a turtleneck, and I felt old. Saturday I felt a little age inappropriate (a little mutton dressed as lamb if you will) but these random boys kept buying me drinks, so I guess I'm just saying, I wasn't trying to scam anyone, I guess that is why girls dress like hootchie mamas. It was not deliberate, but it was fruitful.

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A Few Things I Learned This Weekend:

A Few Things I Learned This Weekend: Three dogs is two dogs too many for this girl. Going on a date with a boring guy who is really nice is still going on a date with a boring guy. A push-up bra + a tiny top = free drinks (I suppose I knew this once, but it's been a while). Room service is the tops. Drunk girls are annoying, and they look ridiculous. Unless you are also drunk, in which case you are all excellent dancers. I love going to bed at 9 pm.



The Best Thing I Heard All Weekend

Friday night while hanging out with my friend Katie I was exchanging some text messages with a cute boy I (sort of) know. He sent me a text saying he was going to a gay strip club. Katie intercepts this particular message and the following transpires: Kate: What is it with you and your crushes on gay boys? Me: Yeah, I'm pretty sure he's not gay. Kate: *snorts* I've heard that one before. Later that night I told him she was calling his sexuality into question, to which he replied, "I LIKE VAGINA!" Made me laugh.



The Stupid Girls Club

I'm at home right now in the middle of the day watching The Bad Girls Club on VH1*. How self indulgent of me. Well, I'm also working on homework and some stuff for my thesis. As far as I can tell this is a show about some slutty twenty-something girls with drinking problems and anger management issues. One girl peed in another girls catchup. That's not a euphemism. It makes me wonder, why, if you routinely behave so badly, you'd agree to be filmed while doing it. And live in a house with six other girls who are ostensibly as much of a train wreck as you are. I though about it, and thought about it, (hey, thesis writing breeds procrastination) and I think I've come up with the answer. These bitches are crazy and stupid. I don't mean crazy like, MySpace stalking crazy, I mean crazy like lets call family services and take away her kids crazy. I don't mean stupid like, what's a Laplace transform? stupid, but like cheating on your baby daddy on television and then crying when he finds out. Or telling strangers how much you love anal sex (strangers on tv!). Or admitting that you were once in porn (on tv!). Or peeing outside a nightclub in front of the cameras with all the lights shining on your drunk ass. I can't believe some of this drama, and I lived in a sorority house for 2 years. These bitches are nuts. I feel like I'm an enabler for just watching this crap. *not VH1, the oxygen channel. Which is so much worse.



Breaking Up Is (Not So) Hard To Do

I am a big, big, big advocate of not settling, not even a little bit when it comes to men, so imagine my surprise when, yesterday, I scheduled an interview for a job in Elko, NV at a large mining company. I told myself, I may not get an offer from either of the companies that I really want to work for. A girl needs a backup plan after all. So after 2 phone interviews I gave in and agreed to fly out and visit. I told the HR rep I'd look at weekends and get back to her. I'll admit, the prospect of landing in such a small town in the middle of nowhere really wasn't very appealing, but it was still preferable to ending up jobless and broke. The idea of settling down in my new double wide in a town with nothing but a Wal-mart and one bar (a strip club actually) made me uneasy, but I was trying to keep an open mind. I'd begun repeating my new mantra, "back-up plan, back-up plan, back-up plan." Until I got an e-mail last night with a job offer from last weeks interview. (Woohoo!) Suddenly I was horrified that although I'd rather be single forever than settle for the wrong man, I'd considered settling for what was certainly, glaringly, obviously the wrong job. So first thing this morning I called the HR rep back, and broke up with Elko, NV.

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I'm SO Not Going

I just got an invitation/announcement for my 10 year reunion. I think instead I'll just get drunk and watch Romy and Michele's High School Reunion again.


Time To Break Out The Bissell

Despite the fact that I have beaucoup things to get done in the lab today I'm taking an extra long lunch. Why, you might ask? Because really, it seems irresponsible. Well the reason is this. I came home for lunch today (like most days) and the Murph dog has thrown up all over my apartment. I'm talking everywhere. On the living room carpet, in the closet, on the sofa, in my bed, on my winter coat, everywhere but the kitchen and the bathroom. Because it would be easy clean up were he inclined to get sick on the linoleum. But no. And I can't fault him, his brain is the size of a walnut. And in a short while I'll have no choice but to head back to work and it just breaks my heart, because when he's sick he gets all sweet and crawls into my lap, and looks up me with his huge puppy dog eyes and tries to sleep right there. And it melts my heart for just a second, until I look around and realize he might just be sleeping in my lap because it's the only surface in my apartment upon which he hasn't already thrown up.