Relationship Disasters- Part 4
Lately I've been telling some stories about some of my horribly failed relationships. Thus far I've told you about the men (or boys) I was dating and how screwed up they were. And they were. But in the spirit of fairness, I feel like I should show you both edges of the sword, I am nothing if not self aware. So, for relationship disaster #4 I'll be introducing yet another nut case, me. For my 24th birthday two of my favorite gal pals accompanied me to Vegas. We spent a great weekend dancing and gambling and flirting with cute boys. ->Here is a quick sidenote, this is one of my favorite Vegas stories. We met an adorable group of guys at the bar, they were with a bachelor party (god bless 'em) and staying at our hotel. One of the cute fellas started chatting us up while they were waiting for their party to convene, and once everyone had shown up, we were charged with a task. He sent a dozen Bud Light's over to our table and asked Heather to drop a single Cialis into one of the bottles and mix them up. He then handed one beer to every one in the party. They proceeded to each chug a beer, and near the end of the group beer chug, we saw none other than their cute ambassador swallow awkwardly. Turns out it was Russian roulette of sorts, where the unlucky chap ends up with an artificial hard on whilst out on the town in Vegas all night. We went our separate ways shortly thereafter, and while I'm not sure how the majority of their evening went, I know the poor chap with the hard on had a pretty happy ending. How do I know? I heard all about it over breakfast the next morning... Sorry, back to the story... I met Mike at the the Hard Rock on my 24th birthday. We were sort of skulking around (with the purpose of meeting boys, of course) and after we walked past him I made the girls double back and pass again. We hit it off right away, it is so cheesy in the retelling, but it could have been a pepe le pew cartoon with the cartoon hearts and the stars over head, we started talking and before long were totally smitten with one another (much to the chagrin of our friends). Eventually the gals got tired of standing around watching me flirt and went to meet up with some guys from the blackjack tables earlier, I agreed to meet them at The Spearmint Rhino at midnight. I spent the next few hours laughing and talking and gambling with this adorable New Yorker. Mike was funny, smart, really beautiful, and talking to him was like talking to a friend I'd known for years. Midnight rolled around, but we weren't ready to say goodbye just yet, so he came with me to meet up with the girls. For those of you who are pure of heart and may not know, The Spearmint Rhino is this great strip club in Vegas. The women who work there are unbelievable! I could not believe what some of them could do with their bodies, the athleticism alone blew me away. The dudes that Jill and Heather had been out with bought us all lap dances "for my birthday." Jill is an awesome lap dance getter which throws my awkwardness into pretty sharp relief. While she is content to lean back and enjoy the show, I get nervous and start asking questions..."so do you do lunges or squats?" Smooth, right? Later that night, after many lap dances and a plethora of singles lost to dancer's thongs, the Girls headed back to the hotel to hang with the bachelor's from earlier (remember the Cialis?), and Mike and I went out a gamblin'. We roamed all over Vegas that night playing blackjack at every casino we passed and talked until the sun came up that morning. When I got back to the hotel room the girls had packed my bags so we could hit the road and get back to Denver. Mike and I said goodbye, but what I'd taken for a Vegas flirtation soon developed into a series of weekend flings, my visiting NYC and him visiting Denver. The relationship eventually ended, because really, what else was ever going to happen really? But he is a really great guy, and we still keep in touch. In fact he got married a few weeks ago to a really great gal. So where is the disaster? I'll tell you. It wasn't a deal breaker, and had nothing to do with the relationship ending, but it is absolutely the most embarrassing story I have in the arsenal. I think now would be a pretty good time to share it. In the summer of '04 I went out east to spend a week with Mike at his house on the Jersey shore. This would be the first time I'd be meeting all of his friends and I was pretty nervous. So nervous in fact, that at a clam bake the day we arrived, I started drinking a lot of beer. Everyone was drinking a lot of beer and eating a lot of sausages and clams and running around in the pouring rain and having a hell of a time. After hours of drunken revelry we headed back to the beach house for naps before dinner. I vaguely remember stumbling around and then falling asleep on the nice comfy bed. What I didn't know until later was that nobody could find me because I'd gotten lost on the way back from the bathroom (it was a big house and I'd had about 45 beers), crawled into the wrong bed, and fallen asleep. The other thing I didn't remember, (but unfortunately do now) was losing my balance in the bathroom, slipping on some wet tile, trying to steady myself by grabbing out for the shower curtain, and ripping down the whole apparatus including tearing down the curtain rod and leaving a gaping hole in the drywall. You want to talk about psycho! How's that for a first impression?