And They Say Eating Chocolate Feels Like Having Sex

There is a Jergens commercial that has been playing every commercial break for about a week. It is, presumably, a Valentines Day commercial. A couple falls into bed and the voice over says "the difference between Valentines Day, and Valentines Night... is Jergens." Cheesy? Sure. But what I like about this commercial is that this beautiful commercial couple are at home in sweat pants looking like normal people hanging out. In sweat pants, not lingerie, just like the rest of us. And then I get mad at the commercial because now I want to make out a little, but I have nobody to make out with. Although that's not the commercials fault. And I'm pretty sure I'm just wanting to make out because I'm kind of PMS-ing and that makes me a little, pardon me for being crass, horny. Instead I just ate a half-a-dozen chocolate chip cookies.

Climbing With The Hippie? Maybe.

I am supposed to go climbing tomorrow night with The Hippie. I'm pretty sure he thinks it's a date. He asked if I had any friends who would like to come because he's bringing a buddy. Some guy he met last weekend. He's a doctor. My first thought was "I wonder if he's cute?" It would be inappropriate to hit on the buddy of a guy who is thinking we're on a date. I should probably cancel. Maybe I'm just looking for an excuse to not go. I was looking forward to some Netflix... I once canceled a date two nights in advance and cited the inclement weather that we might have as the reason. This sounds almost as bad.

A Little Light Housekeeping

I usually update my link lists pretty regularly to reflect new blogs I have a crush on, but ever since I started using the Google Reader that practice has fallen by the wayside. Until last night. I was updating my calendar for February and decided to update my blog while I was at it. I also am taking up the challenge Stacy at The Best Life Ever threw down. Pick some simple goals (and stick to them). Here are mine: No booze except on weekends. Cardio three times a week. Crunches and push-ups every day. Not too demanding. I hope.

Thursday Morning

Ugh. You know when you wake up on a Thursday morning and you think it's Friday all day, and then around 2 pm you realize it's only Thursday and than you groan aloud and bitch to your coworkers about it? Yeah, well I thought it was Saturday when I got up this morning. I figured it out pretty early, but it's throwing off my whole mojo. Now it feels like the longest week ever. Leading up to the most boring weekend ever. At least I hope so. If everything goes according to plan I am doing absolutely nothing but sitting on the couch (or laying down on the couch), watching movies (yay Netflix) and watching football and eating wings. I grill up the best wings on earth (according to me anyway). I have learned from last years mistake, and double checked that my propane tank is full and ready to go. I might get up off my lazy ass long enough to go climbing for a few hours with The Hippie on Friday night. Date? Not a date? I don't care anymore, I think I'm happier if we just stay friends. And yes, I called the boy from the party. I Left a pleasant voice mail and my phone number and if he gives me a holler, I'll go out with him and have some more good conversation. If he doesn't call me up for a date, no skin off my back. He is, after all, a stranger that I had one good conversation with.

"$40" a Day With Rachel Ray

This bitch obviously never waited tables. When I was little I dreamt of my dream job when I grew up. I wanted to be either a stewardess or a waitress. I'd run around the house fake-chewing gum and taking my parents "orders" on a little pad of paper I kept in my apron pocket. My parents would roll their eyes because, out of all the things you could be? A waitress? Or a waitress with a death wish? (That's what my dad calls stewardesses) They were right of course, but I thought both jobs were the height of glamour. Until I dropped out of college and made my money bringing people food. Not really the worst job I've ever had. Tough on the feet, but I was a really great server, and I enjoyed it Unless my hard work and attention to detail was rewarded with a shitty tip. In Colorado, when I was in the industry servers made $2.15 and hour. My twice monthly paychecks always totaled $0.00. Most people know better, and poor tips were few and far between, but no thanks to that skank Rachel Ray. Have you ever watched that show $40 a Day With Rachel Ray? She tips like, a dollar no matter where she eats or what she has, and you know she always receives impeccable service. With very few exceptions when I got bad tips it wasn't a reflection of poor service. Not that I didn't deserve a bad tip once or twice. Forget to ring in an order, spill a strawberry margarita on someones lap. Accidents happen, and in a decade of serving a few of these accidents were my fault. More often or not, though, I chalked these bad tips up to someone who was cheap or just didn't know better. Therein lies the problem I have with Rachel Ray. You know she knows better, and if you can't afford to eat for $40.00 a day without leaving a shitty tip, than eat for $50 or $60 dollars a day. Set some kind of example for the people watching your show, because the people serving your food work long hours and most of them genuinely want you to have a great experience. I can't watch Rachel Ray anymore without screaming at the television. Now I watch Anthony Bourdain. He is adventuresome, funny and interesting and he agrees with me about Rachel Ray, as if I needed another reason to love him.

At Least Someone has Some Follow Through

And by someone, I mean Tanya. Blame the short attention span, I did forget to give the boy I met at the party my number, but all is well, I got this e-mail from Tanya this morning:

Hi lady! I read your funny blog and then I read my emails and lo and behold...here's a message from D. He didn't want you to think he was "Johnny Beergoggles-At-The-Bar-Guy" and didn't really want to get your number, so he sent me his number to give to you in case you wanted to call him. So here it is: ###-###-####. Enjoy!

So I guess I'll call him up. And maybe one day Ivory and I can compare notes (hahaha). But don't hold your breath, we'll see, I don't have the greatest degree of confidence in my date choosing abilities these days.

On an only slightly related note, how old is too old to refer to these boys as boys? Do I need to start saying something like "I met a man" instead of "I met a boy"? What's the cut off there?

Hump Day

You know it's a busy week when you are already tired and it's only Wednesday. My brain finally feels like it's working again, so that's good. Monday was long, end of the day meetings are killers for me, my brain slows down significantly after 2 pm, and by 4:30 I'm barely able to string enough words together to form complete sentences. After my 4 pm meeting all I wanted to do was head home and melt into the couch, but I had dinner plans with Kate. I sucked it up and turns out I had a great evening. Kate is in town for a work thing, so I picked her up at her hotel and we went to Fontana Sushi. I'm an adventurous eater, and I love trying new things, so for the life of me I can't tell you why I'd never tried sake before. Kate shamed me into trying it. Though I've always heard it was an acquired taste, I could definitely learn to like it. Tasted sort of like drinking a dirty martini and eating a handful of jelly beans at the same time. But in a good way, if that makes sense. Every time I eat sushi, I try something new. Last night we ordered a scallop roll. Neither of us ate much of it, I was expecting an appropriately gooey texture, but it was a little too oozy in the middle. Not for me. After dinner we went and had a beer and got caught up, it hasn't been that long, only about a month. Called it an early evening because a) it was Monday night and we both have jobs and b) I was committed to judging a elementary school science fair Tuesday morning. The science fair was soooo cute. First through sixth graders. Some of the projects were actually good which surprised me, I always totally phoned in my science projects when I was little. One little slacker even did the exact same project I did when I was a little slacker. Last night I met Suzie to try on bridesmaid dresses and Suz showed me The Dress she picked out. Very beautiful. Ivory was going to join us but wasn't feeling well. It was too bad, because I think it would have been a lot more fun if she'd been there to dole out dry quick witted Ivory-opinions. Today should be long too, I'm spending this morning holed up in the library trying to make a dent in some major homework I have due next week, and then more meetings. Meetings, meetings, meetings. I feel like we say the same thing at every meeting. Ugh. The Hippie wants to go climbing tonight. I don't think I'm up to it. I haven't been home since Friday and I want to just sit still and be quiet. I'm tired.

My Netflix

300- 4 Stars Awesome movie. I wasn't disappointed, but I don't have too much to say about it. Garden State- 5 Stars I postponed seeing this movie for a very long time. Some people talked it up so much, I assumed it couldn't live up to the hype. Other people hated it vehemently. I love it. The first time I saw this it elicited a feeling of such profound loneliness it was almost overwhelming. It had the same effect on me this time. Somehow, maybe because it is a manufactured feeling, it is acutely pleasurable.

Ever Done This?

Saturday night at the party, I was having a great conversation with a relatively funny guy. We talked most of the night and eventually he asked for my number so he could call me up and ask me out for a date. I was pretty pleased with this new development because, hey, I like dates with good conversationalists. But here is the problem. I am notorious for having the attention span of a tic tac. I was enjoying the conversation and laughing and talking and I'm pretty sure I forgot to give him my number. I meant to, but I got distracted. He probably thinks I was blowing him off. Oops. Eh. With my track record he probably would have turned out to be another wacko.

About the Party

My brain and my body were having a total disconnect all day yesterday and I've been occupied all day today, but I'm finally feeling like writing about the party. It makes my heart feel so full to be around so many friends. Saturday night was one of those perfect party nights where everyone mingles and chats, I met lots of new people and had excellent quality time with my old standbys. I headed over to Suzie's house early on Saturday. We passed on the zoo, it was a beautiful day, but the crowd was unbelievable. I started feeling claustrophobic just thinking about it. We opted for a little shopping instead. And then dinner, wine and getting ready at her place. I'd brought a couple of options, and appropriate tights for each dress. I settled on the striped dress, but when I pulled on my opaque black tights I couldn't miss the huge run down the back. My only other option were the thigh-high fishnets that I'd brought along to wear with a longer dress. I love these fishnets. I got them out of an old box of dress up clothes my grandma had kept since she was probably younger than me. Ancient fishnets, exquisitely made silk stockings, gorgeous vintage lingerie. If I could go back in time and pry them out of my grubby 5 year old hands... And anyway, are thigh high fishnets and a garter belt still slutty if there is less than 0.001% chance that anyone might see you in them? I think not so much.

Happy 30th Birthday Ivory and Tanya!

Worst. Picture. Ever.

I almost deleted this terrible picture, but Suzie and I laughed so long and so hard at it, that she convinced me to keep it. The unfortunate effect of the most unflattering lighting ever is, as Suz put it, that she looks like she got hit upside the head with a shovel. We've been cracking up all day long.

Journaling

I haven't read this book. I'm not interested in developing skills and becoming a great writer. I read about this book on a blog and Googled it. No One Cares What You Had For Lunch: 100 Ideas For Your Blog. The author suggests blogging entries from old journals. I always tried to keep a diary (when I was little) or a journal (when I was old enough that it wasn't cool anymore to call it a diary). I have many blank books floating around in my bookshelves with just a few pages filled out, I'd give up the ghost after a few entries. One journal I've kept in particular (hidden in my underwear drawer with my blank checks). I started it during a relationship that I've never talked about here on the blog. At the time, I thought journaling, writing it all down, would help me figure things out. In retrospect all I think when I read it was what a fucking moron I was, and did I have no self respect? (The answer to that question is yes, I had no self respect.) My point here is... definitely not writing about old journal entries. One thing I realized is that all those years of earnestly trying to journal my teen angst and the banalities of my day to day were to no avail. But give me an audience and an excuse to post eleventy-thousand pictures of me dancing and winking into the mirror, and that's a plan I can stick to. Vanity, thy name is Blogger.

What's on Deck

I am a big fan of SCFD free days, and I like to take advantage of them as often as I can. Saturday before Ivory and Tanya's 30th birthday extravaganza I am going to the free day at the zoo. Unless it's too cold, and then I'm not. If anyone wants to go with me, give me a buzz. Coming soon... The next tapping at Rock Bottom is January 31. As is the next free day at the Zoo. Feb 1 is the next free day at the Botanic Gardens (at Chatfield), and the Feb 2 is the next free day at the Denver Art Museum. Denver Restaurant Week Feb 23-29 2008 There are more restaurants participating this year than last year, I don't know how I'll be able to choose where to eat.

Just Asking

I was watching the news tonight and I caught a segment on recent college grads and their concern about the job market. The two people they interviewed were a psychology major and a photo journalism major. Could the unemployment rate ever be low enough for these these two grads (with their respective degrees) to ever not have to worry about the job market? I might have a unique perspective considering almost everyone I know is an engineer. And to be fair the only person I know who isn't an engineer just got laid off. But seriously, if you're main concern is marketability, maybe a bachelors degree in liberal arts isn't the best move. Updated: I'm not bagging on liberal arts degrees. The world would be a much less interesting and worthwhile place without art, music, and creativity. My criticism is of the news station and the segment's producer.

Confession Time

I'm pretty forthcoming here on the blog. I don't keep a lot of secrets, it's just my nature, and while it sometimes gets me in trouble, I like wearing my heart on my sleeve. There is, however, something I've been hiding. Suzie knows, but she's been keeping my secret for months. I've decided to come out of the closet today. Some of you may have suspected, but here it is. I may not be have the heart of stone that my tough facade might lead you to believe. While I don't want marriage and babies right now, and I may never want a big white dress wedding of my own, I truly delight in the celebrations and preparations of others. I love weddings, engagement parties and baby showers. There I've said it. I enjoy sitting on the couch and pouring through catering menus and bridal catalogs. I like digging through racks of bridesmaids dresses and pages of baby books. I'm addicted to Ivory's and Lisa's blogs, it's like a little peek into a parallel universe. I squealed like a sorority girl when I saw Tanya's wedding dress. I actually suggested Suzie and I peel ourselves off the couch one Sunday to go look at dresses in Cherry Creek at a bridal shop with Ivory. I hope this doesn't change your opinion of me.

Project Runway: Season 4 Episode 9

Spoiler, consider yourself warned! I do eat up the drama, but this is about the clothes. OK, it’s mostly about the clothes. Click here to see a slide show of the designs. (via Bravotv.com) Here is how I would have ranked the designs this week: Design by Sweet P, Modeled by Lea. Sweet P. got shafted this week! This dress was awesome. She took a risk using the different denims, and after editing out the long skirt the result was well made, pretty and not at all hippie-dippie. Design by Ricky, Modeled by Amanda Ricky finally made something that isn't totally hideous. This is youthful and fun and pretty, and I understand why he won because it is more reminiscent of Levi's 501's than Sweet P.'s garment. Design by Rami, Modeled by Sam. I really don't like Rami as much as the judges, but his garment this week was good. Interesting construction, perspective and detail. But. The only times I like Rami's work are when he is forced to work with a fabric choice he'd never choose for himself. I could not be more sick of him draping Jersey. Design by Christian, Modeled by Lisa. I can't believe nobody has punched Christian in the mouth yet. I just want him to shut up. And despite his declarations that it was the only fierce design on the runway this week. I didn't really care for this. The construction was interesting i suppose, but it just left me sort of flat. Design by Chris, Modeled by Marcia Hey sailor. Chris has done a good job of editing his designs down from the ridiculous, but this still looks costume-y. Design by Jillian, Modeled by Lauren. Of the two ugly jackets this week, I at least like Jillian's in theory. It was too ambitious and the design suffered for it, but at least it was a new design and it had a perspective. Design by Victorya, Modeled by Jacqueline Victorya's design, on the other hand, is just ugly and uninspired. And Ugly.

And I'll have an Extra Side of Crazy Please

My word The Bartender is nuts. I haven't actually talked to him since before Christmas, but he's apparently persistent. And a lunatic. Things have not gotten better. He isn't leaving drunken, ranting voice mails calling me a Big Mean Bitch (followed up by a sappy apologetic text message) anymore. Now he is sending me short, but very vulgar e-mails every other day. Things I won't repeat here for fear of the wackos that would be led here by Google, and I don't need anymore of those. The pattern now is nasty e-mail, followed the next day by an e-mail that says, "I thought we had such a connection...", followed by a nasty e-mail. Lather, rinse, repeat. And he called Jill's friend again, and said "if you won't give me her number, please ask her to call me." Like that's going to happen. I don't know who this guy thinks he is.

My Netflix

The Goodbye Girl- 3 Stars I've always really liked Richard Dreyfuss. He's quirky and charming and short, all traits I like in men. True to form he was all of those things in this movie. The movie itself was cheesy, it was made in 1977 though, and if it were made today I hope the message would be different. Less damsel waiting to be rescued and more... go out and get a job. But it was cute and romantic. Little Miss Sunshine- 4 Stars I heard from everyone how good this movie was. All that hype almost killed it for me, about half way through I'd decided it was stupid, but in the end I really liked it. If you haven't, go see it.

The Written Word

I've been reading The Piano Teacher by Elfride Jelenek, winner of the 2004 Nobel Prize for Literature. It was also made into a movie which I will be Netflix-ing as soon as I finish the book. I'm about half way through this book, and I find the authors use of the written word fascinating. A lot of the subject matter is vulgar and, you would think, titillating. However Jelenek has made talk of fetish and sex clubs nothing short of clinical. The characters are incredibly complex and frustrating.

A Little Paradigm Shift

The first time I met Kate's little brother David was in 1999. I answered the door at the sorority house we were living in to find a tiny 9 year old with great big glasses who, after knowing me for all of 3 minutes, launched into an epic tale about the intricacies of Pokemon. Fast forward the this past Sunday morning. Dave meets us for a hangover-helper breakfast. Cute little David is now 18 year old Dave who plays both baseball and football for his college. Over the next 2 hours, just how much things have changed in the past 10 years becomes very clearly illuminated. The first: My body simply refuses to tolerate alcohol the way it used to. I used to drink all night, roll out of bed bright and early and run off to class. Now even after moderate drinking my body seems hell-bent to punish me with savage hangovers. We're talking a day lost to the couch and Netflix because I can't manage to do anything when I'm hungover anymore. The second: I wore a turtleneck to a dance club this weekend. A turtleneck! I used to hootchie it up with the best of them. Lots of skin, tiny skirts, plenty of cleavage, exposed midriffs. Now I to cover it up. I opt for pretty and flattering as opposed to skanky and hot. The last: Kate and I were bitching about how tired we were, how late we stayed up, when Dave interjected "does you idea of late change as you get older?" Kate and i swapped a quick glance, hung our heads in shame and nodded affirmatively. He then asked how late we stayed up We figured it must have been about 2 in the morning by the time we got a cab home and hit the sack. Turns out Dave was up drinking with his buddies until 5 in the morning. He laughed and called us old many, many times. At first I was on the defensive, then I remembered this guy I dated who was 28 when I was 21. I thought he was as old as the hills and I was 4 years older at the time than Dave is now. Of course he thinks we're old. I refuse to say that we are, but I will concede that we're on our way. And that's fine with me. How miserable does staying up drinking until 5 in the morning sound?

The Keeling Chronicles

Saturday night was every bit as eventful as Friday night was mellow. Mak and Kate were in town for a friend's 30th birthday. Festivities included drinks, a Nuggets game and dancing at an incredibly cheesy nightclub. All in all lots of fun.

History Repeats Itself

I was just looking at my old post's and one year ago I was bitching about having to watch Tom Brady in the playoffs and pondering my incredibly bad taste in men. Huh. I can't that believe absolutely nothing has changed. Pinches Patriots.

Last Night was Perfect

This week might have been the most hectic week I've ever had working. Long days, early mornings, skipped lunch hours. It sounds terrible, and it would be if every week were like this week, but this week felt great. It is very satisfying to get so much accomplished. I finally finished working about 8:30 last night. If I had any sort of life at all that might have bothered me, but I don't so it was fine. I got home shortly thereafter, and had the perfect evening. I made some tacos for dinner as planned but instead of watching a movie I put on some tunes and cleaned my apartment, a task that was desperately overdue. It was nice to wake up to a clean home this morning and after Murph and I go outside to walk I'm making breakfast.

Maybe I'm a Little Lame

So, I've been looking forward to my Friday night/ Saturday morning all week. Here is what I have planned: Friday Night Chicken tacos with all the fixin's (made from leftover supermarket rotisserie chicken) Laundry! Watching a movie and having a snuggle with my dog Saturday Corned beef hash (50% reduced fat) and eggs and hot coffee Vacuuming! Reading in my chair by the window all day I know, I know The Golden Girl's are more madcap than I am. But... I've had a hectic week, and I want to relax. The snow that started falling an hour ago is only intensifying the desire to hole up in my apartment and slow down.

Hey Curly Haired Girls!

Last night I did a V05 hot oil treatment on my hair and this morning woke up to super curly springy hair instead of my usual sort of curly sort of limp locks. So FYI V05 hot oil = extra curly curls.

Project Runway: Season 4 Episode 8

Spoiler, consider yourself warned! I do eat up the drama, but this is about the clothes. OK, it’s mostly about the clothes. Click here to see a slide show of the designs. (via Bravotv.com) Here is how I would have ranked the designs this week: Design by Victorya and Jillian I think it is a tough call between the first two avant garde looks this week, and although I think Chris and Christians was more show stopping, the challenge was to create two looks. This jacket is amazing, and the shirt underneath was gorgeous. It is the ready-to-wear look that makes me think they deserve the win, it's actually very cohesive and super cute. Design by Christian and Chris If the challenge would have been just the avant garde piece, this would have been my pick for the win hands down. I'm actually speechless it is so beautiful. This on the other hand, talk about just dialing it in. If the ruffles on the shirt had been a little more over the top and the skirt had been constructed better it could have been salvaged, but as is, blech. Design by Rami and Sweet P So I think Rami is a prick and a one trick pony. Enough with the draping, and enough with the throwing people under the bus even though you should have totally listened to then and added a bustle. Sweet P's dress here is great. She deserved a lot more credit than Rami gave her. Design by KIT and Ricky I was so disappointed in this because when they were designing the concept I got so excited about what I pictured in my head. Layers and layers and layers of aprons. Could have been cool, but this, this is ugly. But not as ugly as this. Although I do like the neckline. But I'd have much rather seen Ricky go than KIT.

Plus One

Driving to school this morning I started thinking about the conversation I had last night with my mother at dinner. We were talking about my friend Tanya’s upcoming wedding, or more accurately wedding invitations and plus one’s. I said I can’t imagine I’d have a date but still the prospect of attending a wedding alone was not appealing, maybe I’ll make Jill come with me. My mom replied “Well maybe you’ll have met the one by then.” Once I got over the shock of my relatively insensitive mother saying something so nice, we started to really talk about that. I’ll spare you the minutiae, but here’s what I figured out. I’m not sure I’m ready for all that. So why then am I dating at all? Most nights I’d just as soon make dinner, watch TV or read a book and hang out by myself with the menagerie. Sure I like going out, but with my girlfriends. I hardly ever talk to anyone I don’t already know when we’re out. I don’t see my friends enough to squander that precious hang out time on random boys in bars. The more my mom and I talked about this, the more I came to realize the truth. I’m not ready to get married, but maybe I’m a little bit afraid of being left behind. I am the only single girl I know: Jill- lives with her boyfriend Kate- married Suzie- engaged Tanya- engaged Sameera- married Ivory- married (and pregnant!) Gina- married Sarah- lives with her boyfriend Lisa- married (with 2 kids!) OK, Heather is single but I only see her once a year. I don’t mean left behind like poor me, I’m single and so lonely. I actually have a very high tolerance for loneliness. I enjoy living alone and being alone. What I mean is I’m afraid of being forgotten. Who wants a third wheel hanging out all the time? Afraid of not being invited out because it’s couples night, afraid of drifting apart because I don’t have kids and can’t relate to the new world of strollers and baby bumpers or maybe I’m just not little kid appropriate. I am 100% aware that this is just my issue. My friends are great, and everyone moves on. Everyone should move on, and I’m happy for all the happiness these changes are bringing into my friends’ lives. I’m happy to be able to witness and share and take part in these changes too. I know I have to grow up too and move on. Maybe get married and start a family. I surely can’t stay in school forever and I wouldn’t want too. I just don’t want to settle down (or just settle) because I’m alone.

Finally Suz Get's In On The Action

Believe it or not, we finally got Suzie on the dance floor... for a little while at least. Good old fashioned drunken stumble home! Unfortunately we decided to stumble sans shoes, in the snow. Oh, alcohol, you fiendish devil.