Relationship Disasters- Part 4

Lately I've been telling some stories about some of my horribly failed relationships. Thus far I've told you about the men (or boys) I was dating and how screwed up they were. And they were. But in the spirit of fairness, I feel like I should show you both edges of the sword, I am nothing if not self aware. So, for relationship disaster #4 I'll be introducing yet another nut case, me. For my 24th birthday two of my favorite gal pals accompanied me to Vegas. We spent a great weekend dancing and gambling and flirting with cute boys. ->Here is a quick sidenote, this is one of my favorite Vegas stories. We met an adorable group of guys at the bar, they were with a bachelor party (god bless 'em) and staying at our hotel. One of the cute fellas started chatting us up while they were waiting for their party to convene, and once everyone had shown up, we were charged with a task. He sent a dozen Bud Light's over to our table and asked Heather to drop a single Cialis into one of the bottles and mix them up. He then handed one beer to every one in the party. They proceeded to each chug a beer, and near the end of the group beer chug, we saw none other than their cute ambassador swallow awkwardly. Turns out it was Russian roulette of sorts, where the unlucky chap ends up with an artificial hard on whilst out on the town in Vegas all night. We went our separate ways shortly thereafter, and while I'm not sure how the majority of their evening went, I know the poor chap with the hard on had a pretty happy ending. How do I know? I heard all about it over breakfast the next morning... Sorry, back to the story... I met Mike at the the Hard Rock on my 24th birthday. We were sort of skulking around (with the purpose of meeting boys, of course) and after we walked past him I made the girls double back and pass again. We hit it off right away, it is so cheesy in the retelling, but it could have been a pepe le pew cartoon with the cartoon hearts and the stars over head, we started talking and before long were totally smitten with one another (much to the chagrin of our friends). Eventually the gals got tired of standing around watching me flirt and went to meet up with some guys from the blackjack tables earlier, I agreed to meet them at The Spearmint Rhino at midnight. I spent the next few hours laughing and talking and gambling with this adorable New Yorker. Mike was funny, smart, really beautiful, and talking to him was like talking to a friend I'd known for years. Midnight rolled around, but we weren't ready to say goodbye just yet, so he came with me to meet up with the girls. For those of you who are pure of heart and may not know, The Spearmint Rhino is this great strip club in Vegas. The women who work there are unbelievable! I could not believe what some of them could do with their bodies, the athleticism alone blew me away. The dudes that Jill and Heather had been out with bought us all lap dances "for my birthday." Jill is an awesome lap dance getter which throws my awkwardness into pretty sharp relief. While she is content to lean back and enjoy the show, I get nervous and start asking questions..."so do you do lunges or squats?" Smooth, right? Later that night, after many lap dances and a plethora of singles lost to dancer's thongs, the Girls headed back to the hotel to hang with the bachelor's from earlier (remember the Cialis?), and Mike and I went out a gamblin'. We roamed all over Vegas that night playing blackjack at every casino we passed and talked until the sun came up that morning. When I got back to the hotel room the girls had packed my bags so we could hit the road and get back to Denver. Mike and I said goodbye, but what I'd taken for a Vegas flirtation soon developed into a series of weekend flings, my visiting NYC and him visiting Denver. The relationship eventually ended, because really, what else was ever going to happen really? But he is a really great guy, and we still keep in touch. In fact he got married a few weeks ago to a really great gal. So where is the disaster? I'll tell you. It wasn't a deal breaker, and had nothing to do with the relationship ending, but it is absolutely the most embarrassing story I have in the arsenal. I think now would be a pretty good time to share it. In the summer of '04 I went out east to spend a week with Mike at his house on the Jersey shore. This would be the first time I'd be meeting all of his friends and I was pretty nervous. So nervous in fact, that at a clam bake the day we arrived, I started drinking a lot of beer. Everyone was drinking a lot of beer and eating a lot of sausages and clams and running around in the pouring rain and having a hell of a time. After hours of drunken revelry we headed back to the beach house for naps before dinner. I vaguely remember stumbling around and then falling asleep on the nice comfy bed. What I didn't know until later was that nobody could find me because I'd gotten lost on the way back from the bathroom (it was a big house and I'd had about 45 beers), crawled into the wrong bed, and fallen asleep. The other thing I didn't remember, (but unfortunately do now) was losing my balance in the bathroom, slipping on some wet tile, trying to steady myself by grabbing out for the shower curtain, and ripping down the whole apparatus including tearing down the curtain rod and leaving a gaping hole in the drywall. You want to talk about psycho! How's that for a first impression?

NaBloPoMo- Day 30

This has been an interesting month of blogging. I have really enjoyed participating in this little experiment. You may not believe this, but the life of a hot young single gal isn't always as exciting as you might think. Sometimes I get a little lonely all by my self here in my home. Especially lately. Certainly I am in the midst of a transition, a little bit of a limbo. It has been a really stressful month, wrought with uncertainty and filled with choices. I think I've chosen pretty well, and everything is working itself out nicely. I may have had to restart my research from the beginning, but in May I will graduate with a masters degree, even if it's not the one I was working towards. I've been thinking about law school forever but talking about it certainly has helped solidify the plans. It's funny how putting things out in the open helps make things happen. I've obsessed and stressed and over analyzed things to death these last two months about The Boy. Writing about it and reading what I wrote has really helped me be honest with myself about the relationship. I feel like I was able to make the right decision, putting a stop to a fruitless romantic relationship in lieu of a fruitful platonic relationship. Disappointing? Maybe, but surely a relief to honor my feelings truthfully. On that note, since our romantic entanglement has come to and end, I guess I'll dispense with the nickname and just start referring to him as Jared. (Happy Birthday Jared) I have become a lot more open with my, ahem, feelings and I've started writing with a lot more honesty. I used to keep it very superficial here, and I kept all of my goings on inside. Sharing more certainly makes me feel more vulnerable and that's kind of a scary thing. But, this is, after all, primarily a journaling space. It is certainly not my intent to hurt any one's feelings, and I do try to be mindful of what I write, because who knows who might read it, but if something is affecting me, and giving me pause, I am inclined to share it. You are welcome to read or not, as you see fit. My favorite thing about blogging this month has been the response from you. It truly brightens my day to hear from you and read your blogs (if you have one). If you don't have one, we probably know each other in real life, and it makes my life feel more full to keep in touch in this small way. I hope November was as good to all of you as it was to me, and I hope December will be as well.

MySpace Remorse

I am seriously thinking about quitting MySpace. First, earlier this week an old sorority sister (yes, I was in a sorority, don't judge) crawled out of the woodwork to get in touch. We are not friends, I don't really miss being friends either. Well, more accurately put she just hasn't crossed my mind in years. My curiosity piqued, I checked out her MySpace page to find that this once bright interesting young woman has nothing to say about anything except her wedding and being a "married lady." All of my friends who are married or engaged retain their personalities and individuality, and continue to be kick ass chicks (and dudes). And I celebrate their happiness, but appreciate their not making some issue out of the fact that poor me, I'm not married. I think I'll live, but I don't need reminding that I'm the only single person I know anymore. Second, I broke down and did a little drive by on The Boy's MySpace page. I could just kick myself for this, but I was reading his comments, and I noticed one girl left a comment saying she was "sorry she couldn't make the Chicago trip, hehe." This would be the same Chicago weekend away that he invited me on. Because he had this "great hotel, see, we could have a great time." That's all his business, and really none of mine, but I don't particularly want to read about it. Did I mention that she's totally hotter than i am? That sucks, and I feel stupid. I hate feeling stupid. So, MySpace is not my friend, it is the home of the crazy.

Project Runway: Season 4 Episode 3

Spoiler, consider yourself warned!

I do eat up the drama, but this is about the clothes. OK, it’s mostly about the clothes.

Click here to see a slide show of the designs. (via Bravotv.com) First let me say what a disappointment this episode was. First of all, this is not a menswear competition. I don't care that they can't make menswear. It felt much too manufactured, the drama, the strife. Whatever. Then Tiki Barber. Yes, he's a hottie, but this is a design competition, and he's on the today show. Not very fresh or innovative. And what exactly qualifies his wife as a menswear expert. Stupid. All of that aside, I am judging this weeks designs not based on what Tiki might wear on the Today Show but just on the basis of what would be good menswear. I have listed the designers in order, starting with my favorite, and ending with the designer I would have auffed. Design by Jillian Modeled by Nelson Given the time constraints, I can overlook a few minor imperfections and say this is a good looking suit. The designers all had the same amount of time to work with here, and Jillian managed FOUR pieces, and none of them with wanky tailoring. I also like the flair that the shirt adds, the collar and pattern make this feel interesting. Design by Kit Modeled by Ibrahm I love the blazer done in fleece! It makes this ho-hum look contemporary. Design by Kevin Modeled by Thomas I like this look, but it feels a little unfinished to me. Tucking the shirt in and leaving the vest open (and maybe a little longer) would have helped give it a cleaner finish. Design by Victorya Modeled by Mike Victorya is one of my early favorites in this competition, but I find this jacket a little too cater-waiter for my tastes. Design by Elisa Modeled by Connor I could see this coming from Elisa. Maybe her man would wear something like this. Mine wouldn't, but it definitely has it's own new-age hippie aesthetic. And it's made well and tailored well. Design by Jack Modeled by Jack I can't believe Jack won. The only thing interesting about this design is the pocket on the bias. I think I've been on dates with men dressed just like this, and I git the idea that they were simultaneously trying to hard and had absolutely no idea how to dress themselves. I know the original idea included a vest or jacket, and it desperately needed...something. Especially to cover up the waistline on those pants. hideous and very unflattering. Reminds me of cheap women's suit pants from T.J.Maxx. Design by Chris Modeled by Andres Hmm, not offensive, but very mistress of the night meets Clive Cussler via dinner theater. Something about the sleeves bothers me, too feminine, and too much black not to look costume-y. Design by Rami Modeled by Derek Every time I look at this I change my mind about it. On one hand, it's very Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, reminds me of old men mile-walking at the mall. On the other hand, it's nicely made if a little boring. The Mr. Rogers vibe could be attributed more to the model than the jacket. I just can't decide. Design by Steven Modeled by Paul I like the pants a lot. Thank you Steven for the belt loops. But... there's something I just can't put my finger on, something about the neckline. Is that a scarf or a really weird collar. This is another case of the model (or maybe the model's styling) working against the look. It all just comes across as a little severe. Design by Christian Modeled by David Oh Christian. He sure think highly of himself, doesn't he. I like the pants, and the shirt is interesting, but the jacket is so ugly it ruins everything else for me. Blech. Design by Ricky Modeled by Yoneiry Wow that is one poorly made suit. And that is all I have to say about it, but Ricky's crying is really starting to get on my nerves. Design by Carmen Modeled by Yaniv Train wreck! She should have gone ahead with her design and just completed her garments, to hell with what the "menswear expert" Mrs. Tiki Barber has to say about it. A finished "Members Only" jacket would have at least landed her in the middle of the pack on this one, but this revised and unfinished (not to mention ill-fitting) monstrosity got her sent home. Bad choices. Design by Sweet P Modeled by Marcus Say what you will about Carmen's poorly made creation, at least it would have been interesting had it been well made. Sweet P's design is so boring. I do like the fabric used for the tie, but I can't believe they didn't send her home for this.

A Couple of Books About Food, But Not Cookbooks

If you are dying to get me a present, and you can't think of a thing, you could get me one of these books. Or , if you are very rich you could get me those boots (to the right) and I'll get the books for myself. Two books I can't wait to get my hands on. My Last Supper: 50 Great Chefs and Their Final Meals Alone in the Kitchen With an Eggplant

Dinner, an Experiment of My Own Design

1. Navy beans take a really looooooong time to cook. Even after you soak them overnight and then boil them for 10 minutes before throwing them in the crock pot like all the recipes say. 2. Chicken sausage on the grill is delicious. 3. I am a genius when it comes to creating a flavor profile. Really, you should be jealous of my natural abilities.

Relationship Disasters- Part 3

Ian is the piece de resistance of my collection of bad boyfriends. Ian was an alcoholic. He was not only uneducated but stupid, He was a mean drunk. He was undoubtedly the ugliest man I've ever met. And, wait for it, when I met him he was on work release from JAIL! Granted it was the penultimate rebound relationship. I had just had my heart broken in a most profound way. Ian was the polar opposite of my ex, and I guess I was just in need of a little distraction. Ian was a lesson I had to learn the hard way. I finally did one night in County Cork in Ireland. We were driving to County Kerry and stopped for the night to visit his cousin and uncle. After a long night at the bar, and a lot of hash (this was a long time ago), we got into a huge fight. I don't remember what it was about, but it was a knock down, drag out fight, and things got physical. He never hit me, but he shook the shit out of me, and slammed me against the wall. I was so scared of him that night. I made nice for the rest of my visit, but broke up with him as soon as I got back to the states. He also got back a few weeks later and ran into some hard times. First he got fired from his job. *Sidenote: We also worked together. This is a glaring pattern for me, dating coworkers.* He got fired for harassing me. Well, kind of stalking me and then freaking out at work in front of a bunch of customers. Then his dad died. This was hard of course. I was actually very fond of both his parents, and although I wanted to be there for him in a time of need, I knew I couldn't. I know how violence escalates. He had been in jail for assault, after Ireland I swore I wouldn't put myself in a situation like that twice. So I refused to see him. That made him crazy! and he started calling me all the time at all hours of the day, always drunk. Just when I started considering changing my number he left me a drunken message saying he was moving back to Ireland (where he didn't have a criminal record) to get a better job. This was something like six years ago, and he still gets drunk and calls me on occasion. The most recent was this morning. I have never once answered the phone or responded to his many messages. They are always rambling and incoherent, and always come in this succession 1. He it's me, just wanted to say hi. 2. How come you never answer my calls? 3. Why did you leave me you stupid bitch? 4. I hate you you, c##t, you f*****g bitch, you are such a snob, you deserve to be miserable. 5. More like #4. 6. See #4 7. Again 8. Repeat 9. I miss you, why won't you call me back, I just wanted to talk about that time when we... 10. (Always received the next day) Sorry about those messages last night, I was drunk. Hope you are doing well. I understand why you never answer my calls, I promise to never bother you again. Six years of this! Usually he only acts up around the holidays, but sometimes, like this morning, he'll pop up for no reason. So, lessons learned so far: Don't date coworkers Don't date felons Don't date coworkers who are felons Check

Online Dating, a Madhouse

Alright, now I know I've tried this online dating before, and it's always kind of a bad idea, but I haven't been anywhere but work and my apartment for a while. I heard a couple of good things about OkCupid and I guess figured since it's free, why not. So I really just copied and pasted my blogger profile page. It's really just a list of books and movies I like, doesn't say that much about me, but I'm not really actively participating in this process. Mostly just seeing what kind of creeps come out of the woodwork and send me messages. Perhaps I'll respond to someone eventually. One thing I think is kind of cool about this site is that it gives you all of these personality test type questions and suggests how well you would match up with other users. From your answers to these questions it generates some icons that supposedly describe you to other users. Here are mine: Apparently I am (from top left) more independent, less lawful, less old fashioned, less pure, less spiritual, more spontaneous and less romantic. I kind of sound like a monster.

Do you Match Me? Take My MatchMe Test Brought to you by: OkCupid - Free Online Dating!

Another cool thing is that people can take a little test and see how compatible you are as friends or lovers or whatever. So, I've only been on for a few days, but here are some snippets from a few responses I've gotten: "I'm a fairly immature 23 year old with more free time than I should have and less free time than I want." Way to sell yourself buddy. This one in full, because i believe you will be as dazzled by his wit as I was. "Hello... I enjoyed reading your profile very much. If you do read my profile you will notice that I didn't put the usual likes and dislikes about me on the profile, so I guess I better tell you a bit more about me right now. Fasten your seat belt for this: One time, during a trip to Canada with mommy dearest, I single-handedly defended a small village from a ferocious horde of army ants using only a small glass of water and a spoon. On occasion, I visit area attractions to translate ethnic slurs for tourists. Every other Wednesday, in the afternoon, I repair small appliances at no-cost from a treehouse. During my lunchbreaks, I can be seen studying train stations to make improvements in the area of heat retention. Okay... enough of the sillies. You seem like a great person worth knowing. Bye for now... P.S. What day would yesterday be if Thursday is four days before the day after tomorrow?" "You are gorgeous!! I would love to take you out to dinner. Do you like Thai food?" That's a nice offer, or it would be if this guy even lived in the state of Colorado. " My gosh. You should just know that you're totally awesome and gorgeous. Still probably a dork though. *wink*" And here is his picture: If this guy was lurking in my bushes I'd mace him. That is not necessarily the reaction I'm looking for when trying to attract dates. So I'm probably going straight to hell for making fun of these guys who are just trying to put themselves out there, but seriously?

Law Schools

I need to narrow it down to seven, but until I make my final decision I have narrowed it down to eleven. What do you think? Albany Cincinnati CU DU Golden Gate Gonzaga Miami Montana Quinnipac South Dakota Wyoming

Transport Phenomena

So right now I am scrambling to get this report done. Sometimes it seems to take ages for me to organize my thoughts, but once that happens, things start cranking out like a machine. That's right I'm a metallurgy machine. Today I'm having another of those how-did-this-become-my-life moments. This afternoon I have to lecture again for Transport Phenomena. I don't mind, I've always had a pretty good grasp of the subject and found it to be one of the more interesting things we study. I can deliver a terrific lecture, especially today's lecture. It's really just about manipulating the calculus. The professor calls it the "wizardry of calculus," I like that. A problem would arise if one of the students were to ask a question. I need to do everything in a very methodical way so I don't confuse myself and get off track. Fortunately the kids are all too bored to really pay attention and ask questions, they're just waiting for me to get through the lecture and show them how to do today's lab assignment. Fine by me. I still can't get over the fact that it's my responsibility to impart knowledge to anyone at all. P.S. Did I ever tell you guys about a professor i had, another professor, incredibly brilliant guy, but so stereotypically absent minded professor type. His two favorite terms to use while lecturing were phenomena and specific, but he couldn't pronounce either word correctly. Often referring to a Specific Phenomena, more often than not he would describe a Pacific Phemomena...

World's Hardest Riddle

Lisa posted this on her Myspace, but doesn't know the answer. It's been killing me! Someone please figure it out and tell me. The World's Hardest Riddle I turn polar bears white And I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee And girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid And normal people look like celebrities. I turn pancakes brown And make your champagne bubble. If you squeeze me, I'll pop. If you look at me, you'll pop. Can you guess the riddle? 97% of Harvard graduates can not figure this riddle out, But 84% of kindergarten students were able to figure this out, In 6 minutes or less. Can you guess the riddle?

A Short Discourse on Grocery Shopping

I woke up this morning, and, like clockwork started my period. Woah! Didn't mean to scare you off, I'm totally going somewhere with this. For the last month, despite the monstrous odds against it being so, and two negative tests, I was convinced I was pregnant. It would be very tough, miraculous even, for me to get knocked up. I'm on the pill and I have only had sex twice in the past six months. I know. Pathetic. The second of these times was about three weeks ago, and the next day I was convinced I was pregnant. This has happened to me before. Despite using 2, yes 2 forms of contraception I am always convinced I'm pg for no apparent reason. So my body has been acting kind of haywire all month, and it took me weeks to figure out that my pills are whacked out, and I am not, in fact, with child. This has also happened before, I've had to change the type of pill I take several times. I originally went on the pill because I have fibroid tumors and incredibly painful cramps. Being on the pill helps a lot, but eventually my body gets used to the hormones and I have horrible cramps again, and I have to head back to the MD for a tune up. I woke up this morning with horrible cramps, and horrible PMS. At least I didn't have to do any lab work today, I was able to sit all day and work on a report. But, all day I'm craving chocolate and salty chips. How trite, I know, but I'd packed a nice healthy lunch, an apple and lots of fresh veggies. I couldn't pack anything more substantial because I desperately need to go buy groceries. I am a responsible grocery shopper, I make a list, I only buy what's on it, and I stick to fresh, unprocessed foods. Here was my list today: Toilet Paper Honey Sparkling Water Cream of Wheat Veggies Fig Jam Navy beans Chicken Sausages Clementines Plain Yogurt Eggs Skim Milk Parmesan Cheese Dark Chocolate Bar Nothing major, the jam, beans and chicken sausage are for a healthified version of franks and beans I've dreamed up. I can't wait to get it started, but the beans have to soak overnight. I couldn't decide between Cream of Wheat and Malt-o-Meal, I haven't had either in years and I love them both. I bought both, I won't run out for years. Finally the chocolate. I don't eat a lot of sweets but I like to have a bar of dark chocolate in the fridge so I can occasionally break off a square and have a little bite. This is where the whole plan fell apart. Blame the hormones. I couldn't decide which variety sounded better, so I bout a few. OK, more than a few. I bought 5 chocolate bars! I'm not going to scarf them all down in one go, but I have a fridge full of options. I also gave in to a bag of Natural White Cheddar Cheetos. I've mentioned these before. They are like crack, and they have no preservatives which I love. (Nobody believes me, but I swear I can taste preservatives in food.) So, tomorrow I'm trying out a new healthy recipe, but tonight I'm curling up on the couch and pigging out on fresh veggies, Cheetos and chocolate.

Credit Where Credit is Due

In all fairness, and to avoid giving the guy a bad rap, I should tell you guys that The Boy responded to my email perfectly. He doesn't want to give up on being friends, am I OK with that? He doesn't want to wait until summer to hang out again, will I come up for a ski weekend? Whatever I am comfortable with is fine. This is all why I like him so much. He really is a great guy, we are just in 2 different places right now (both literally and figuratively). I have absolutely no ill will toward him, and I do hope we can pursue a friendship. Well, maybe pursue isn't the right word, but when we are in the same place at the same time I'll be happy for the occasion to hang out.

Relationship Disasters- Part 2

I am feeling kind of retrospective, and I'm trying to figure out why I make such bad dating decisions. I think deep down it all boils down to something I'm afraid of, but I don't know what and I don't know where it came from. I'm trying to figure it all out. I thought I'd start by looking back on some seriously questionable choices I've made. If this gets too sappy or personal or you just don't care, then don't read it. Hmmm, NB, all around inappropriate. Too old, divorced but still on the phone with his ex-wife all the time, no education (at all), lazy and bad at his job (another coworker), unbelievably immature. Got arrested for his third DUI while we were dating. Incredibly jealous and suspicious of me all the time (and for no good reason because I was beyond smitten). Broke up with me every time he got drunk, usually over the phone because even if I was at home on the phone with him, he'd become convinced that I was cheating on him. Idiot. Not hard to get over that one. The best thing that came out of that short and ill fated relationship is this little story: As part of the break up process I headed to my parents house. Had dinner with my folks and, per our usual, too many cocktails with my dad. We put on some blues and get a little drunk and dance around in the living room. I cry about the breakup a bit, and then when I'm no longer good company, I pack it in and head to bed. I grab my cell phone and go upstairs to my old room prepared to commit the most humiliating of breakup faux pas, the drunk dial. I brush my teeth, put my jammies on and snuggle down in bed. I dial the number and when he answers I pathetically cry a little about how much I miss him. He replies "how could you miss me, I'm right down stairs," then he cracks up and hangs up the phone. In my drunken state I realize that I'd called my parents number. I'd just been talking to my dad. He'll never let me live that one down.

I Don't Quite Know What to Say

The Broncos deserved that loss.

That's Reassuring

From FOUND, 10-24-2007.

Excellent Long Weekend

I wish every week was 2 work days and 5 days off. Not so productive, but very relaxing. My long weekend was all about the menagerie and breakfast. I had Wednesday off, and woke up to snow. I could care less but Murph loooves the snow, and we ran around outside for a while. Afterwards I came in and set myself to breakfast. On Wednesday it was an omelet and some home fried potatoes. Friday morning brought waffles. I love waffles but only make them on special occasions. I figured a nice cold morning on a day off was special occasion enough for waffles. And I make some good waffles. I spent most of the weekend curled up in an armchair catching up on some reading. A most pleasant benefit of such an encampment is Kitty's presence curled up on the head rest behind me. Last night Cook called and after I finished watching a great movie, White Christmas, I threw on some clothes (and a hat, bad hair day) and drove to Belmar to meet up and see Savage Henry. If the music was good, the company was better. It was a pretty short night, but it was great to get out of the house, even for a bit.

I Pulled the Trigger

I had a date last night. It was pretty random and spur of the moment. I was wearing my snow boots, my ratty old sweat pants and my house coat (kind of like a robe) and I wanted to take Murphy outside for a quick potty break when I met one of my neighbors in the park between our two buildings. We got to talking and he asked for my telephone number so we could "get the dogs together to play." Yeah right, kind of a weak line, but I figured that I probably need to go out with someone other than The Boy eventually. Get back on the horse so to speak, maybe move on. He ended up calling about an hour later, kind of an eager beaver, I must have been really enticing in my jammies. I didn't have any plans tonight, so I agreed to a movie, we planned for 9 pm. Nice enough guy, zero attraction intellectually or physically, but nice guy. I won't be seeing him again. As soon as he left I thought about The Boy and how much more fun he is than everyone else. And now I compare every man I meet to him and nobody seems to have a chance. When I met The Boy, I had recently ended things with the Lurker, and decided that I just wasn't cut out for casual sex or a friends with benefits type situation any longer. I am happier alone than with an iffy vague relationship that doesn't really mean much. So for months The Boy and I were just friends. We hung out and had fun and sometimes snuggled and talked about our mutual affection and respect and how the right thing to do would be to remain just friends. Platonic. Nothing more. No muddying the waters. No ambiguity. Of course the next morning we kissed for the first time. And so I found myself right back in the kind of relationship that I find so easily, but doesn't make me happy. Only stress and a good old fashioned dose of the crazy. So last night I was laying in bed, restless, and unable to sleep and all I could think about was weather or not I should head up for the Movember party and The Boy's birthday this weekend. It became clear to me that this is not going anywhere, and although I'd be a lot "cooler" if I was fine with the way things are, the truth is I'm not. This is a big step for me. Maybe some emotional maturity, realizing that what I want may not be what's best for me? I was a little nervous, afraid to be seen as overemotional or needy, but I decided that, for me, enough was enough. I got up and penned the following. "Hey I think I'm going to pass on next weekend. Thanks for the invite, but I'm not too keen on the whole friends with benefits situation. Frankly you don't seem too interested in me, so I'm just going to let this go. I hope you have a great birthday, and I'm sure I'll see you on the river next summer." And I sent it right off. Maybe I'll regret closing that door, but I really think our timing was just really bad. I wish I'd met him when his light was on. I totally feel like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, "breaking up" with someone with whom I never even had a relationship. At least getting out before I get kind of heartbroken, we can still be friends. You know, at a later date.

A Ltiile Bit of Crazy for Friday

Hey everybody! I hope you guys all had a great Thanksgiving. Mine was...weird. I showed up for dinner at my aunts house at 1:30 and they were already eating. I was a little surprised that we were eating so early, I guess I was betting on dinner at 2, and honestly I wanted to minimize the opportunity for invasive questions. My parents seemed surprised I'd even shown up. I certainly never meant to give them the idea that I might not. I stayed for about 3 hours, and then headed home. It was fine. I am trying to make a decision about what to do this weekend. The Boy has asked me to come up for a visit. On one hand, I'd like to because I'd like to spend some time with him. On the other hand I feel like I'm the only one making an effort. He never comes down here to visit. Granted it's a lot more fun up there, and this time he's invited me up to go to a party, so it would be a lot of fun. I don't know. I'm definitely giving it more thought and attention than I'd like. I think I'm imposing too many of my own expectations on him which is unfair since I've never really told him how I feel either. I guess I'm not really sure. I'd like to get more involved but I'm scared of getting attached again, and I guess I'm a little cautious of being rejected. Also I don't see him often enough to be anything more than friends, but every time i see him we sleep together, and that certainly isn't the kind of relationship I want. And I don't even know where I'll be living in 9 months so it seems like a bad time to get involved with someone, especially someone so vague. And who knows, he's probably catting around up there all the time anyway (at least that's what Jill says, she's probably right). Wow, I don't seem crazy at all do I? I guess it would probably be smart not to go up there and just detach myself, but it seems unfair to just disappear and not give an explanation. But it is a little too scary to put myself out there so far. Ugh, I wish I could just forget all about it.

Gobble Gobble

Project Runway: Season 4 Episode 2

Spoiler, consider yourself warned!

I do eat up the drama, but this is about the clothes. OK, it’s mostly about the clothes.

Click here to see a slide show of the designs. (Bravotv.com) Ricky and Jack Modeled by Lauren I really like this. I wouldn't wear it because I really really hate leggings, a lot, but if I didn't I think this would be perfect for Sunday brunch with lots of mimosas. Christian and Carmen Modeled by Lisa I hate everything about this. The 80's dress, the too structured jacket, those awful shoes (well, really just awful with this outfit), and I really don't like their model. Rami and Jillian Modeled by Lea Totally cute, anyone could wear this dress, and the belt is a great piece, and the boots are a great choice. Elisa and Sweet P Modeled by Katie I love love love this cape. If it were available with the Bitten line for $20 I would own it immediately. I was kind of blah on the dress, but the cape! I want one now! Michael Kors called it "Jaunty," and I think that's a perfect way to describe it. Also, crazy as she may be Elisa is really nice, and I really like that. Sweet P is reminding me of the mean kids who used to mock me in junior high. Kit and Chris Modeled by Marie Again, I hate leggings, but if I didn't this is super cute. I think the length of the tunic is perfect, and the styling is right on, the shoes and beret are perfect. Victorya and Kevin Modeled by Anna Lita The Winner! I loved Victorya's design last week, and I love it this week. This would be perfect for cocktails on a Saturday night. The vest is great, and I think it was the decision to make it racerback that made it so. The dress has great proportions, I love super short, full voluminous dresses. Marion and Steven Modeled by Jacqueline Ugh, I think this could have been a decent concept but execution was terrible. Pocahontas!

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to you! Unless you are not in America, and then Happy Thursday! Oh, the ubiquitous "Things I'm Thankful For" post. 1. My Parents! 2. My great friends! 3. Murphy and Kitty! 4. Cable TV (I love it, I really do) 5. Lots of good books (My apartment is like a little library) 6. My computer, the internet 7. My job and education 8. Cheese There is more, but I think that will do for today.

The Wisdom of Private Practice

"When someone tells you who they are believe them." I say this to Jill all the time, but I can't seem to remember it myself. Very early on The Boy told me he was a huge commitment phoebe and didn't really have feelings. So. Shame on me.

Relationship Disasters- Part 1

I am feeling kind of retrospective, and I'm trying to figure out why I make such bad dating decisions. I think deep down it all boils down to something I'm afraid of, but I don't know what and I don't know where it came from. I'm trying to figure it all out. I thought I'd start by looking back on some seriously questionable choices I've made. If this gets too sappy or personal or you just don't care, then don't read it. The Ice Dancer I'll call him for anonymity's sake. When I met him, I wasn't particularly attracted to him, and because of his job I assumed he was a loser. Turns out hes was just an underachiever of epic proportions. We worked for the same company, but in different groups for several months until he and I were transferred to a new research group. I was an engineer, and he was a tech, but I was so junior that we ended up doing a lot of the same things. After working together for a month or two (during which time I went through a pretty mild breakup)we started getting along. I learned that he had a political science degree from a pretty posh college and was just working to pay the bills. He was well read and has a very dry, quick wit heavy with sarcasm. I began to like him and found myself becoming more attracted to him the more time we spent together. We began work on a long pilot project, 26 days of 12 hour shift work in a row, no days off, no weekends. About half way through the project we became aware of how much we were flirting. With a week to go we decided that once we had a day off we'd go on a date. It was a great date. On our second date we decided to see each other exclusively. In retrospect it seems hasty, but at the time it didn't feel that way. We spent so much time together already it felt pretty natural. After that thing were great. We had so much in common and so much fun together. It was certainly one of the most intellectual relationships I've ever had. We never spent much time with my friends, frankly because they thought he was gay. He was an Ice Dancer and had a lot of very feminine qualities and mannerisms. Neither of which necessarily means he's gay. The fact that he used to sleep with men lends a little more credibility to that theory. I have always considered myself very open minded, so I decided not to be bothered by it. And in all honesty I really wasn't. I thought everything was going really well, I was happy and I thought he was too. Right up until the day after his birthday. The night before we'd had a big birthday dinner with his friends. Looking back I've tried to think of something foreshadowing the breakup, but I really, really didn't see it coming. We had tickets to a nuggets game, we talked several times during the day about our plans (we worked together after all) and decided where we wanted to go to dinner. I left work around noon to go to school, and the plan was to meet at my place at 5 and head out. At 4:30 he called and told me he wasn't coming ever. Despite the fact that we worked together (and shared an office) he refused to tell me more than that ever, just saying he had no explanation. I'm still a little miffed. I ended up leaving that job (for reasons that had nothing to do with him) and I never found out what happened, or got any closure at all. But we were only dating for a few months so; easy come, easy go, I guess.

Kind of Like Friday Night

I have tomorrow off, woohoo! Granted I have a little work to do, but I'm going to sleep in, make coffee at home in the morning (preferable to the swill in the lounge at work), make breakfast and play with Murphy all day. When I finished my work today (loads of paperwork) I set about checking my links. On an average day I go through my link list and check every one's blogs for updates several times (sorry if I've been blog-stalking you). What can I say, I get bored waiting for things to happen. Sometimes I check out other blogger's link lists. Today I found Confessions of a College Callgirl. I read her entire archives tonight. I am simultaneously a little horrified and a little enthralled. But completely engaged.

I just saw the most amazing shooting star while Murph and I were outside.

Now it Feels Like Winter

The holidays are just around the corner, and I just finished my first project of the season! If anyone likes this hat and scarf, please let me know, and you can have it. Speaking of the holidays, I like this time of year, but I've always been a bit of a grouch. I'm not that into decorating and singing carols, although I do love watching Bing Crosby in White Christmas, and Mr. Magoo in A Christmas Carol. I managed to knock out about 80% of my Christmas shopping today after work. There are a couple small things I'd like to pick up, but it's definitely a nice thing to not have to worry about. As far as Thanksgiving is concerned, I know how terrible this sounds, but I really don't want to go over to my aunt's house. I have seen a lot of my parents lately, maybe a little too much. I need a little break. And I'm not in the mood for the rest of my family. It's the questions, when are you going to get married, when are you going to have kids. It gets a little old. I feel frustrated, it's not like I wouldn't love to meet someone and fall madly in love, get married and get on with my life. It isn't like I wouldn't love to get a great job that actually pays a decent salary and stop living paycheck to paycheck, and buy a house. I want to do all those things, but I want to go to law school so I can have the type of career that will make me happy too. It isn't like I like being poor and not having a life, I just think my education is important too. I guess I'm also feeling a little lonely lately. I hate feeling like this, especially because right now I think I can attribute it to The Boy popping into and right back out of my life at random. The way boys do, as if they have some kind of radar that lets them know when they are almost out of your system. I know he isn't even aware of it, he's like a little kid with ADD. Excited about whatever is right in front of him. Oh an X-Box! Oh Drea! Oh a new game! Oh some beer! I'm trying not to take it personally.

Murphy in Some Hats

If you're thinking this is going to be one of those boring posts about my weekend with pictures of my dog, then you're right. Feel free to stop reading now. After an early work day yesterday, I headed to Aurora to pick up my mom and take Murphy to the vet. We go to the vet in PetSmart during wellness hours on Saturdays. Usually we show up early, but because I had to work that wasn't an option, so we had a very long wait. Here are some hilarious pictures of Murph in a clown wig (he did not like that) and a short video I made of Murph in some different hats (he didn't like that either). That evening we went to Ted's Montana Grill for dinner. My mom had the salmon which was good. Despite the expanse of their menu, my dad and I split a burger. They have the second best burgers I've ever had. Mmm, I like mine with swiss and green chili strips. Apart from the one picture of my mom and myself above (in which we look terribly uptight, like always), my dad shot maybe six really bad pictures of us from various bad angles because we were laughing so hard at how bad the pictures were, and my dad was egging it on and making it worse. We (well, our huge noses) look terrible in profile, and he was doing everything he could to get us from the worst possible angle. After catching up on Dexter and Weeds (my folks have Showtime, I don't) I came home and spent the day watching football and cleaning my place up. Early to bed tonight because I have to be at work really early again tomorrow. I prepared a chicken ( with garlic for the crockpot, tomorrow morning I'll pop it in before I head in to work, and have a nice hot meal ready when I get home. Yay!

The Productive Saturday

Today was one of those Saturdays where things just have to get done. 1. Work; certain things need to be done by Monday so I got up with the chickens this morning and went and took care of them. I worked until about 1. 2. The Dreaded Vet; Murph was due for some shots and he also had 2 huge grass seeds stuck in his ear. The vet got them out with this very intimidating forcep-type implement. Murphy was so relieved to be done with that part of the visit that he didn't even notice the shots. 3. Oil change and Snow Tires. 4. Mom's Birthday Dinner. At least now the work is over, we can have some fun at dinner.

Derailed!

You can go ahead and consider Thursday goals-out-the-window day. But, I think it was totally worth it to spend such a quality evening with such quality ladies. I had a double cheeseburger from the McDonald's Dollar Menu, left Murph at home to go to a show, and imbibed many glasses of wine. Oh well, today is a new day folks! Let's get to the goods, shall we: Can I just say that I love Mike! I am so happy he came into Suzie's and subsequently our lives. I can only imagine he must get sick of my running my mouth non-stop like it's my full time job whenever I'm over visiting, but he never acts like it. And he makes Suzie so happy. Yay love! And Yay Jill! You all must think I have a crush on Jill. And I say, why not. I love me some Jill,. Unlike Mike, when I get on her nerves she doesn't hesitate to let me know that I need to shut up. That doesn't mean I ever listen to her. Maybe she will see this picture and decide to start smiling for the camera? The darkness at the Bluebird isn't too conducive to a lot of picture snapping, we did get this one great group shot. Those are some serious Hands of Rock. Bob Schneider this time was a little less eventful than last time. But I think that's how we like it now. Suzie and Tanya were responsible and went right home after the show. Jill and I "forgot" we had to work in the morning, and headed out to Mezcal for a couple of beers and some tacos. What do you do when you want to leave the bar, but you're not done with your beer? Smuggle it out in your pants, of course!

Bob Schneider at the Bluebird

Bob Schneider at the Bluebird I love last minute spontaneous plans. And I love Tanya, Suzie and Jill. Last time I saw Bob Schneider was several years ago (like maybe 6?) in Boulder. This was back in the day when Tanya was still a groupie. Well, a groupie-lite really. I'd never heard of Bob Schneider before, but I like live music and I like the ladies so I went along. After the show we were hanging out on his tour bus (I know, cheesy right?) and a nice looking gentleman came up to me and asked my name. I told him and asked him his name. "Um, Bob, you're on my bus." "Nice to meet you Bob" Right. I felt like such a rude ass hole.

Project Runway: Season 4 Episode 1

Spoiler, consider yourself warned!

I do eat up the drama, but this is about the clothes. OK, it’s mostly about the clothes.

Click here to see a slide show of the designs.

The Designers

Carmen: Loved it! Update* Hate the genie in a bottle pants.

Chris: Shiny

Christain: I thought this was hideous until it was on the model. I would have liked the jacket cropped a few more inches. Update* I think the proportion of the coat looks better in the picture.

Elisa: Marionettes? Cool! But, probably off her rocker. Those boots are terrible. And the heavy train ruined the dress. The cut from the knees up is beautiful. The finishing you could get away with in a piece of art probably doesn’t translate well on a person. Even the skinniest model I’ve ever seen. I’d like to see more of her marionettes. I’m glad we get to see her again, hopefully she’ll learn to edit quickly.

Jack: So pretty. As long as you have zero back fat.

Jillian: Don’t remember Update* Wow that thing's ugly. And is it kind of crooked?

Kit: A little too abstract for me.

Kevin: Don’t remember Update* I hate this. I really, really hate this.

Marion: Slutty. Update* And really, really ugly. I don't think this hem looks any better than crazy Elisa's crazy hem.

Rami: Good construction. Boring, and not kind to the boobs. I’m disappointed. He's the winner.

Ricky: Tacky fabric. I like lingerie that looks like lingerie, but I like dresses that look like dresses.

Simone: Bad construction, and very dressed in the dark with the jacket match. Her model looks so bored! I was bored too. She’s out.

Steven: Don’t remember Update* Boring. Pretty. But boring

Sweet P: Biker chick turned fashion designer? Update* pretty fabric, but I hate the fit.

Victorya: Love the sleeve ribbons. Who cares if you can’t hail a cab in that thing? Gorgeous, my favorite tonight.

Goals Update

1. Today was a good day for exercise. Nothing major, but that wasn't the goal. I took a nice walk to pick up lunch, and a couple hours later I walked to the post office. During each commercial break tonight I've done 5 push-ups, 10 sit-ups, 10 squats and 10 calf raises. See, nothing major, just more exercise, little by little. 2. Murphy had a pretty long day at home today, and a pretty short walk this morning. Unfortunately it was too dark for a long walk when I got home from work, but we've played a lot of catch-the-snoopy. 3. Coffee this morning, a Quizno's Flatbread Sammie for lunch (Sonoma Turkey, extra lettuce, extra tomato, 160 Calories, but just filling for lunch). The last piece of meatloaf for dinner (thank goodness, i couldn't possibly eat any more meatloaf.) I need to do some grocery shopping, I'm craving some veggies but I don't have any in the fridge. Not the best diet today from a balance point of view, but no junk food. Well, not really. 4. No Myspace! The crazy is folding up in a little box and then sliding into my pocket... away from the light of day. 5. No Alcohol! No Problem! Wine is like candy, keep either in the house and I'll devour it. If it's not here, I don't miss it. 6. TV! I am so bad at this. I know how much I enjoy unplugging the boob tube and turning up some tunes, but I don't do it! I was pretty excited for Project Runway though!

Bored at Work

I've been playing this vocabulary game when I need a little break or when I'm lazing around watching TV. For each word you get right, they donate 10 grains of rice to the United Nations World Food Program. You can click on the banner above or the one to the right to get started.